2017 · Life: Mind Palace

On romance, part three

I’ve been thinking about love a lot lately, because it’s one of those things that I think every person defines for themselves, and that’s important in itself. You have to find someone who matches your expectations, your individual needs as a person in your every day life. It’s not like in the movies, because it doesn’t end after 90 minutes.

I’ve talked a bit about my high school boyfriend before and earlier today, something else clicked. Love in the every day sense is inconveniencing yourself in small ways for the other persons happiness. My high school boyfriend usually did it in ways that, ultimately, inconvenienced me more than it made me happy. A lot of people would consider it the height of romance if I told them about that one time when he rode his bike for two hours just to see me, but I just remember how he didn’t call ahead and how when he arrived was so tired that all he did was nap on my bed for two hours and then my parents gave him a ride home. For one of our movie dates, he brought me flowers and then bought me a second bouquet when we walked past a vendor and that’s super sweet, right? Except all I could think about during the entire film was how I couldn’t move because it’d make the cellophane around the flowers rustle and would they wilt before I got home, four hours later? It wasn’t the right thing to do, certainly not with me.

Many years ago when I lived with my best friend, I had a bad cold and there was a snowstorm outside and he still walked the 15 minutes to the store and back so he could buy me a bag of oranges. It was such a small thing but that’s still to this day how I define loving someone. Love is making two runs to the kitchen so the other person doesn’t have to get up and get coffee for themselves. Love is helping someone shave their head because their plans fell through and they’re going to a wedding tomorrow, which is exactly what went down today. Love is being there when you’re needed and knowing when to butt out when you’re not. Love is living separate lives together with someone and never making a big deal about it.

At least, that’s what it is for me.


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