While I wouldn’t say that I have an eating disorder, I’ve definitely suffered from disordered eating on and off throughout my life. When I was little I couldn’t bring myself to eat breakfast if I had to leave early for school (I still have issues eating before 8 am) and for a semester in high school I only ate dinner and somehow survived on… teenage aggression for the rest of the day? I don’t know.
Point is, despite being a trained chef me and food have not always gotten along. I still lose my appetite really quickly if I’m sick (a cold is enough) or stressed and it’s not until recently that I’ve felt at all okay with eating in public. I don’t know where any of this is coming from, but I bet it’s a combination of a stress-sensitive digestive system and deep-seated problems with a lack of control. Food is something I, most of the time, have to suffer through in order to function like a normal human being. It’s not a pleasure, with a few rare exceptions.
Lately though, that’s begun to change and I think it has a lot to do with the Boyfriend. He doesn’t cook, but he does like to go out to eat during the weekend. This is rarely anything fancy, just a trip to the local pizza place or buying cereal that isn’t the most boring thing in the world. He likes food and he earns enough that he can comfortably treat me once or twice a week, which has forced me to get used to 1) eating in public and 2) not forcing myself to finish everything on the plate out of some sort of misguided social obligation.
Yesterday, I had the most amazing quesadillas (they weren’t that amazing, but I was that hungry) and this morning, we had Fruit Loops for breakfast. Fruit Loops are import cereal here. Somehow, this guy who never cooks, has saved my love for food.