It’s snowing hard outside right now and I have to get up early in the morning to take my Dutch visitor (not a euphemism) to the airport. It’s been a good few days and especially today felt really perfect – we went to the Royal Armories with my best friend and my boyfriend, we walked through Old Town and made a stop at Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee and my first group selfie since I was 12. It was a good end to a good experience and soon it’ll be over.
A lot of things are ending – no, not ending. Changing. It’s intimidating as all heck but I also think it’ll be good in the long run. Blizzards make me feel vulnerable and big changes, no matter how good they are for me, always make me feel like I’m standing beside myself, looking at someone I don’t recognize. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic but I’m tired and stressed and that’s okay. Acknowledging these things means they have no power over me. Yes, I’m scared. So what? Life is scary.
I’ve been listening a lot to a specific track of the Hamilton Mixtape these last few weeks. I think it’s been good for me, though it makes me think a lot about privilege and how I’m not even sure what to call myself. I’m privileged because of where I grew up, of course, because of the color of my skin and the relative safety of my childhood. I have a lot to be grateful for – and I am – but at the same time I’ve had a lot of disadvantages. Life is complex and we should never compare but it makes me think. This is perhaps a topic for another day.
John Cleese did a lecture on creativity once, on the opened and closed mind and how that relates to efficiency and productivity during creative work. It’s been gone from Youtube for a long while now, but I wish I could find it somewhere again. Overall, the way we relate to creativity as a mindset is very interesting to me, whether it’s rational-irrational, closed-opened, thinking fast and thinking slow. It’s all the same. This too is a topic for another day.
I think I like these tired, introspective, late-night posts, at least once in awhile. I’m always so displeased with what I write when I try to be clever, but I don’t have the energy to be clever here even if it still borders on artsy and pretentious from time to time. Fuck it, you know? Who’s even reading any of this? Not me, for sure.